How to Cope with the Stress of Moving
Our recent military move took us from California to Virginia. We’re not new to moving, but this one took a lot out of me in ways I didn’t expect.
Despite feeling pretty organized with the logistics, I couldn’t anticipate the untethered feeling of being a stranger in my own life - which can happen with or without a huge move.
Because transition just seems to be the name of the game for many families these days, I wanted to share what’s helping me get my feet back underneath me.
Be patient.
It takes time to make a space feel like home.
I think we get a little bit of a distorted view of transition from the internet - those before and after posts, photos, and reels last just a few seconds!
My mom showed up a few days after we got our house to help me unpack, and we had the boxes empty and picked up by the moving company within a few days.
I painted four rooms on my own. I organized our closet, the kids’ rooms. We put furniture together. And although I had some help, I did a lot of the unpacking and decision-making on my own.
That pace left me burnt out and totally depleted. I didn’t feel like doing anything.
The first step to solving for that overwhelm was to decide I would be patient with the house and myself.
In reality, settling in takes time. Change takes time. And the first step toward getting back to “normal” was acknowledging this.
We got a few things up, but for the most part, I stacked up our framed photos in the guest room so I wouldn’t have to look at them, and I let myself live in the house before committing to hanging things on walls.
I unloaded things in the linen closet, but resisted the urge to feel like it had to be organized immediately.
In reality, it’s just me over here - and Nick on the weekends - to fill the gaps, hang the art, and organize the closets. It’s going to take a little time, and that’s okay.
Whether you’re also in the process of moving or navigating some other massive change, be patient with yourself. Adjusting takes time.
2. Pick one routine to resume.
When you’re in the middle of a major transition, routines and rhythms tend to fly out the window. They’re the first things to go.
And yet, they’re the things that make me feel comforted and like myself when I’m totally out of sorts. It’s why I feel some relief every time we come home from a trip!
I decided to pick ONE routine that I knew would make me feel better, and simply focus on doing that one thing to start.
For me, that was exercise but it could be anything that makes you feel more like yourself.
What’s working is scheduling it for the same time each day, sticking to simple goal that’s not too much, and setting out what I need the night before so I don’t have any excuse to not make it happen.
I’m not doing this perfectly. There are missed days and shorter-than-I’d-like workouts.
But the routine of knowing what I’m doing first thing in the morning really helps give me a reason to jump out of bed, even when I feel kind of lost or overwhelmed.
So, even if your routines are all over the place, pick just ONE to put back in place. Commit to it, and the others will follow.
3. Offer to be the host.
I’m an extrovert, and by far the hardest part of moving is losing a network of friends who are like family. I talked to my mom about it and she said that when they moved into our childhood home, they did all the inviting for a few months.
Open the door, set the table, or order pizzas if you don’t have the bandwidth or desire to cook.
Remember that entertaining is about gathering people, not perfect preparation.
We had old friends over last weekend and the adults ate tacos at the kitchen island while the kids ran up and down the basement stairs.
It made the place feel more like home, and I felt more like myself - hosting, cooking, laughing in the kitchen.
I’m learning that if we want to have fun things to do with friends, we’ve got to make those opportunities happen: invite friends to visit, keep it simple, and embrace imperfection.
Moving is hard but it doesn’t have to be lonely.
4. Be vulnerable.
If there’s something missing or some help you need, it’s hard to get it if you don’t speak up.
A couple weeks ago I shared on Instagram stories that this move had taken a bit of a toll and that I’d been feeling kind of lonely.
Lo and behold, that afternoon I got an invitation to do something really fun with some of the girls in the neighborhood. I only knew one of the girls going, but I said yes and it was amazing. We had so much fun, it was a lovely experience (High Tea in DC!), and I walked away with a pep in my step.
If what you need is friends, you have to be willing to initiate a conversation with someone new.
At the boys’ baseball practices and games, I found myself intimidated by the moms chatting with each other in the bleachers who seemed to already know each other. So after a few times sitting alone, I said hi to someone and then another someone, introduced myself and asked about their kids.
I left the game that night feeling like I belonged there, too.
Whatever you need, be willing to say it out loud and put yourself out there to get it.
5. Just jump back in.
Eventually, it’s time to rip off the band-aid and jump back in to whatever it is you’re missing.
I tend to procrastinate when I’ve been away for awhile from things, but the sun will rise tomorrow whether we’re ready or not, so best not to let another day go by on something you want to do - even if it feels like a long time since you did it!
Whether that’s getting back to work or a hobby, exercise or a family routine that’s been lost in the shuffle, we don’t have to make announcements or excuses.
Just jump back into it, feet first. The water’s cold, but only for a minute.
Ready to jump into memory keeping?
It’s never too late.
Start by downloading my free guide to catching up. It’s a free PDF with 15 ideas for projects that’ll inspire you to document your memories quickly and simply.
